Do you find yourself having the same argument with your partner night after night, without even knowing how it started?
Do you frequently feel irritated, anxious or blazingly angry around him, for no obvious reason?
Do you make plans for a great evening together only to have it end with yet another fight?
It’s ok, you’re not going crazy; you’ve just established some bad habits.
Wikipedia says: “A habit is a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur unconsciously.”
From Merriam-Webster, a habit is: “a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior”, “an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.”
So a habit:
forms part of our regular routine, it’s something we repeat often;
is something we acquired (i.e. it’s a learned behaviour not an instinctive one)
and it’s become automatic, to the point that we’re usually not even aware we’re doing it.
Habits are formed when 3 parts come together: the cue or trigger; the behaviour itself; and the reward. And there is always a reward, even if the behaviour looks from the outside to be producing a result you don’t want.
Establishing a habit means you don’t have to make the same decision over and over again. For example, you probably don’t stop and think if you want to brush your teeth each morning, it’s built into your routine and it’s no longer a conscious decision.
That works well for habits that serve you, by saving you time or prompting you to take positive action. Bad habits though can prevent you from achieving your goals, waste your time, drain your energy and jeopardise your health – and your relationship.
For the next few days we’ll be looking at the habits – good and bad – that form the foundation of your relationship. Are you aware of any particular habits (good or bad) that you’ve dropped into in your relationship? Share with us in the comments 🙂