When I suggest to a client that she needs to start a practice of appreciating where she is, her initial reaction is usually “but I don’t want to create more of THIS!”
Especially if she’s in or has just left a bad relationship, asking her to appreciate her husband or partner when all she wants to do is complain about him and attract someone new is pretty much guaranteed to trigger massive resistance and confusion.
The popular approach to the Law of Attraction is that because we get more of what we focus on (true), and because where we are is nowhere near where we want to be (also true), appreciating our present circumstances is going to attract more of the same. And this last point is where the confusion arises.
You can’t attract something you want from a place of anger, resistance, fear or blame; all you’re going to get is more anger, resistance, fear or blame!
As I said in an earlier post, when I was in a corporate job where I didn’t fit and didn’t want to stay, I wrote at least something every day about what I did appreciate about the situation and the people I worked with. I aimed to find as many things to be happy about as possible each day, and it wasn’t always easy. But I could always appreciate the fact that I HAD a job and a great income and once I started writing, the list would usually grow as more and more things occurred to me (LOA in action of course).
I always wrote my “positive aspects” with a pen in a notebook, rather than just thinking of them. I find writing to be very grounding and also it was helpful to go back and look back over the page when I was feeling that nothing would ever change.
I use the term “appreciation” rather than “gratitude” because for me gratitude implies a weaker state of accepting whatever you’re given. They’re interchangeable though, so if gratitude has more meaning for you – go ahead and use it! Question everything I write and adapt it to suit YOU.
When you focus on what’s good about your situation, your day automatically becomes less stressful and your positive feelings attract more like them, so you gradually feel better and better instead of getting angrier and more resentful. Plus you start to gain clarity on what you really WANT to attract next time in your relationship, career or whatever.
Not a fan of Law of Attraction?
Even if the LOA connection doesn’t resonate with you, on a purely practical level it’s a lot easier to focus on a positive future when you’re not drowning in misery in the present! You can only perceive what’s available to you in the moment, and depression or anger makes it harder, if not impossible, to see anything other than more of the same.
Knowing that you can deliberately change your mood at any time is so empowering; you feel less of a victim and more like you have options. And from that place, it’s easier to become AWARE of those options that were always there but you may not have considered before.
But if you ARE a believer in LOA, then according to Abraham-Hicks the vibrational state you’re aiming for is “Content where I am, and eager for more“, as you allow everything to unfold in its perfect time.
After some months of writing these lists every day, things started to shift. I became clear on what I ideally wanted to happen – although I had no idea how it would be possible. At my annual review it was clear that my boss wasn’t happy with how I was performing and I’d be lucky not to be fired with a month’s notice! By this time I’d moved on to steps 2 and 3, getting clear about and visualising how I wanted my future to look, and accepting that regular employment was never going to be part of that however much I was paid.
During this period, something else happened that convinced me I was on the right track. In December, someone broke into my car and damaged it beyond repair. I didn’t use it for work and could manage without one for a few weeks so I wasn’t over-anxious about it, and I clearly remember saying out loud “Well, Universal Manager (the name I used then for Source) – I’m leaving this up to you! You deal with it!”
Less than two weeks later, my sister called me out of the blue and asked if I wanted her car! Her partner was buying her a new one and was offering the old one to me for free, instead of using it as a trade-in. I didn’t even remember at first that I’d given the whole problem over to Source; it was only when I was driving my “new” car back from my sister’s after Christmas that it dawned on me and I laughed out loud in sheer joy and excitement. It was the sign I needed to keep going.
A win-win for everyone
The following March, everything came to a head and I was called into my boss’s office. It was obvious he was upset at what he was about to do and as he spelt out the redundancy package I was entitled to (he’d chosen that over simply firing me but it was still a very small amount), my nervousness disappeared. As I sat there half-listening to him, I received a download (from my intuition? from Source? You decide.) of exactly how we could both get the outcome we wanted. When I left his office we were both smiling with relief – it was a total win-win situation for him, the company and me and one that still works for us 14 years later.
Whenever I tell this story, people are amazed – how on earth did I come up with such a radical idea that solved his problem and mine and worked out so well? And I’m still convinced that the solution would never have occurred to me had I not insisted on appreciating the situation as consistently as I did.
Now, focusing on appreciation, writing lists of positive aspects, is an integral part of my morning and evening routine. Every day there is more to be thankful for and my life just keeps getting better and better.
I’d love to know if you have a similar story or how you feel about appreciation now. Feel free to comment below or email me personally if you’d prefer a private response.